Unhappy In Mediocrity: The Battle Between Good And Evil

The age old battle between good and evil, is well documented throughout history. We see it in the Old Testament with the tribulations experienced by Adam and our Patriarchs, up to contemporary times.

I will like to discuss this "battle" on the individual level. Most of us are stuck somewhere in between good and evil. We are not sole followers of our good inclination, yet we don't solely follow the evil inclination either. Now for me personally this can be depressing, living a life of "in between"or "limbo". You cannot say you are enjoying the best of earthly pleasures this world has to offer, because that good voice in your head always has some sway over you. Unfortunately, vice-versa is true too.

This leaves one in a limbo state, which may lead to depression. You do not feel a part of something, for you are not completely a good person, or "evil" for that matter. Which results with a feeling of not belonging to any particular category.

In reality this is the largest category of people. People aiming high and may not always make it, but the target is nearly universal. This is comforting, knowing that you are part of a large yet unspecified movement of people striving for greatness in serving our creator.

One should not be disappointed being at this stage, for God knows you are fighting the" good fight". He knows of our earthly desires and the enticing ways of the evil inclination, after all he created it. We should be happy that we fall in this category and never be overtaken by despair. Keep on striving to be better people, and servants of God.

For all that God wants from us is to keep fighting, keep striving for our fullest potential. Maybe, just maybe, if we try hard enough, we may achieve that plateau of only wanting to fulfill God's will.

Modern Orthodox Velvet

Over the years there has been many discussions as to the true meaning of Modern Orthodoxy. Everybody wants to know what it means to be modern as well as orthodox. Everyone has there own opinion as to what Modern Orthodoxy really stands for.

Well folks, I know the answer, or at least the orthodoxy test says I know the answer.



According to the test, I happen to be a member of the Modern Orthodoxy Club.

What does it mean?

Congratulations. You're Modern Orthodox all right, but wait! Just when you were ready to live an idyllic happily-labeled life they announce Left Wing and Right Wing Modern Orthodoxy. What the heck is up with that? Maybe you need to rethink and refine some of your positions, and then take the test again so I can put you in a little box.

Well instead of redefining my position on any issue I have decided to create a new label just for me.

Modern Orthodox Velvet.

Because in the end of the day, it is all about how you cover your head.

Sometimes the skeptics can get too skeptical

In life there is always a myriad of possibilities for what is true and what is not. Under different circumstances different standards are used in determining the best truth to act upon. In a case of life and death it is, beyond a shadow of a doubt. In many other cases there are other criteria used that is not so concrete. However, in every case there is always room to be skeptical of the official findings. A person can always say to themselves that the evidence presented is not good enough to convince me to act. It doesn’t pass the muster to become something I hold true. At some point though, this unwillingness to follow the accepted position stops being skepticism and turns into absurdity.

Excessive skepticism is something that anyone can have for a myriad of reasons. Sometimes, people are excessively skeptical about something new because it contradicts what they hold to be true already; the previous truth trumps the newer truth. Other times, people are in this state of denial because it contradicts what they would like to believe. Still others can be this way because of their inherent disbelieving nature. It doesn’t matter what the point in question happens to be, people can always behave in this way.

When speaking to Hashem about rescuing the people from Egypt, Moshe expressed his disbelief that the people would listen to him. Even the voice of Hashem, and Hashem’s reassurance, did not remove Moshe’s feeling of skepticism in the people’s willingness to hear his message. He had his reasons for being skeptical, yet he was still punished for his disbelief.

New scientific discoveries are constantly being made in every field of endeavor. These discoveries bring along many comforts that people take for granted. Yet some people are still skeptical when it comes to the historical and practical implications of these discoveries. They divest the creature comforts that they receive from their academic source, choosing instead to side with ideas that would not have gained them the lifestyle that they are so accustomed. They retain their skepticism to their own detriment, a loss of personal integrity and consistency.

Einstein once said, “Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.” The people who are both lame and blind are the skeptics of religion as well as the skeptics of science. Both ignore actionable truths based on an unwillingness to let anything but preconceived notions take the steering wheel for every turn.

The challenge of skepticism isn’t the fact that skeptical ideas exist. The ideas have always existed, and will exist for all long as there is a world populated by human beings. The challenge that skepticism brings is the test of ignoring skepticism and acting anyway. The challenge of skepticism is to not get too skeptical and forget to do what is right.

After School Musings

Having finally finished college I am left with one thought.

What Now?

There is a purpose to school right? To prepare children to face the harsh reality of the real world. To build skills needed to navigate the waves of fortune thrown at a person. To teach character building skills that should serve the kid for the rest of his life.

Yet.

At some point school becomes the end in itself and not just the means to the end. It becomes something that is necessary for success. Then it becomes success itself. School, school, and more school acquired in the name of building human capital, really nothing more than procrastination for what has to be done.

Life.

Now school is out for me. There is no longer any procrastination. Life must begin, and I am supposed to be prepared. I am supposed to be ready for all the challenges that the world can possibly throw at me, ready to accept the mantel of Adulthood.

But I’m not ready. Or I am too ready. I have been ready all my life. Since kindergarten, when I used college level vocabulary when speaking to my teachers, I have been ready. But the path was charted for me; life is school, and school is life. School year and summer vacation year after year. Now when it is finally time to stretch my legs and actually start the only question I have is, what number is the next grade?

There is no answer. School is over; real life has finally begun.

Where do I sign up for a PhD?

Happy Rosh Chodesh Shvat

I woke up early today and went to a minyan that I don't normally go to. It's a good thing I did too. They served a great Rosh Chodesh breakfast after davening. It really made me appreciate the fact that a month has come and gone and the good things in life are still there to be enjoyed: bagels, danishes, Blintzes, cheese cake, (and salad). With such a start I think anyone would be able to start the month off right.

אַהֲבַת עוֹלָם תָּבִיא לָהֶם, וּבְרִית אָבוֹת לַבָּנִים תִּזְכּוֹר

May Hashem's Eternal Love shine down on us,
May Hashem's Promise to our fathers be recalled for us: the children.

And may this month of שבט be a great one for all of us.

What Really Happened At Roswell

Fact: On July 7, 1947 an Unidentified Flying Object crashed on a ranch in Roswell, NM.

Fact: The government has had black projects involving UFO's and Extra-Terrestrials.

Projects such as Blue Book, Majestic 12 and the suspected Project Serpo.

Fact: The sixth man on the moon, Dr. Edgar Mitchell, has claimed to experience Extra-Terrestrial activity while in space.

Fact: Notable figures such as former Area 51 employee Bob Lazar, the Lear Jet inventor's son John Lear and respected physicist Stanton Friedman, all believe in extra-terrestrial activity.

Story Preface

Where: The Zing-Zang galaxy (8,000 light years from our own Milky Way galaxy), on the 40th planet of the galaxy, named, "Hakunah Matata".

When: The year 85,837,902 (1947 in Earthling years).

The Story

Xenomorph awoke on a dreary day. The first of the four orbiting suns on planet Hakunah Matata has just risen. Xenomorph says modeh ani and approaches the window to take in the spectacular view. As staring at the distant Golgang mountains a familiar spacecraft comes into view, "why it's my ol' friend Mzonforth!" Xenomorph exclaims. Xenomorph signals quickly gaining attention of his friend, "land in the parking lot, meet you there" says Xenomorph. Xenomorph runs out to the parking area to accompany his friend wearing a grin (not because he had anything to be happy about, but rather because he was quite stupid).

The following dialog took place:

Xenomorph: @!#$2$@$! (English translation: I am bored, let's go to the famed earth today! I really wanted to check out the earthling city "Manhattan"! The New York City tourism website is really user friendly!)

Mzonforth: #@$5&*&** (English translation: Sounds like a plan, let's go in my interplanetary spacecraft. I just got a new sound system and subwoofer, should be a great trip!)

Together, they both entered Mzonforth's spacecraft and programmed "NYC" into the interplanetary GPS. To help the 600 zygors pass by (earthling equivalent of 8 hours), they listened to some of the latest martian jams on their radio dial and speculated what NYC would be like.

The following dialog took place:

Xenomorph: #$@!@#$ (English translation: Man, I love Techno! These speakers are totally gnarly!)

Mzonforth: @#$&**(&(&*(% (English translation: Sigh, I have a headache! What do you think NYC is like? I bet it is a very peaceful earthling hub!)

Xenomorph: %@%$% (English translation: let's just hope it lives up to it's brochure)

As approaching the planet Earth atmosphere, something went terribly awry. "What happened to the GPS, it crashed!" said Xenomorph. "I knew you shouldn't have been so cheap by buying a Tom-Tom! The Garmin was only 20 bucks more! Looks like we are going to have to stop by a town in Earth to get directions" said Mzonforth.

The two landed on a small ranch in Roswell, NM. Xenomorph went out to look for a good samaritan to get directions from while Mzonforth waited in the craft. "Wow, you overshot NYC by 1922 miles!" the good samaritan told Xenomorph. Xenomorph thanked the earthling politely and headed back into the spacecraft. Both Xenomorph and Mzonforth wanted to forget about being lost and get back on track. Mzonforth fired up the anti-gravity thrusters and they both chanted in unison "to NYC!"

They pulled out of the ranch and lost control of the spacecraft, they were going down!

The following dialog took place:

Xenomorph: !#@$!@$ (English translation: What the hell happened?!)

Mzonforth !@#!#@!#! (English translation: We hit something, oh no, na ahhhhh!!!!!! Damn you, Damn you to hell Canadian geese!)

The truth is out.

God's Teffilin

After copious research into the subject of God and Teffilin, a few things were gathered as to the nature of God's own personal pair of Teffilin.

1. God does in fact wear Teffilin.
2. These Teffilin that God wears are colored white.
3. The Teffilin have straps, and these straps are knotted on the back of God's head.
4. God's Teffilin has four compartments.
   
5. God's Teffilin has six biblical verses written on parchment placed inside the Box.
6. All of the verses in God's Teffilin Praise the Nation of Israel.

What we don't know about God and his Teffilin:

1. Does he take them off before Davening is over?
2. Does he carry them in a nice plastic case?
3. Which sofer in Yerushalyim wrote them for him?
4. How many cows had to die to make Teffilin for an infinite being?
   
5. And concomitantly, how big are the Boxes, and is there a ש on the side of them?
6. Did the Living Torah Museum make a pair to give people a sense of what they really look like?

SSN collection agent

I was asked by a very special charity organization to inform you about the special situation that is going on in the world. It seems that the Department of Social Security is running out of numbers to give new people who are born and immigrants. They are also running out of money to pay the old people that are already using their social security numbers. In order to fix this big problem that is going on, everyone who has a social security number that they are not currently using is asked to donate that number to a person that doesn't have one.

Simply enter your full name (first, initial, last), your date of birth, and of course your 12 digit social security number into the comment section of this post. We at Not Just Typical NoLC will make sure that your information goes to people who need it most.

In these difficult times it is up to you to assist the less fortunate in their time of need. If you are currently not a student, government worker, or an egg donor you can help the people in the southern regions who constantly are born without a United States Social Security Number.

;-)

The Art of Jewish Matchmaking

In order to be a good Jewish Matchmaker, or Shadchan, one needs a few essential qualities. Without these essential qualities a potential matchmaker will be nothing more than a typical gossip mongerer. The job of a Jewish Matchmaker is one filled with mortal danger, and without these few attributes God will never grant you the opportunity of bragging about making the most random Shidduch match.

1. You must own a Telephone.- In this day and age, when modern technology like the 8 track player, and the betamax has taken over the lives of many individuals, it is possible to overlook many of the important things that truly connect us to each other. More than anything else in this day and age is the good old fashioned telegraph. In order to pass notes regarding the important characteristics of both the Yingel and the Maidel it is important to have clear lines of communication. In this modern day and age, the telegraph is just the technology to keep that going. People from all over the country can send messages to each other and receive replies almost instantly.
2. You need to have lots of Patients- A Medical degree and a functioning practice always helps when it comes time to set up your patients with each other. The waiting room is exactly like a hotel lobby, and if the conversation doesn't look like it is going well, the doctor could always cut the uncomfortable silence short by calling the next customer to be healed by the uncomfortable poking and prodding of the physician.
3. You need to be optimistic.- No matter how wrong the match feels to all the parties involved, it is important to realize that the potential happiness of the possible future couple is not of primary importance. The truly important thing is that the right genetic mix be combined to form the next holy Jewish generation. We are building a "Bai'is Neman BiYisroel" here: Rabbi's son's must marry Rabbi's daughters, BTs must marry BTs, and those crazy carlbachians can't contemplate committing to matrimony with anyone less crazily carlbachian than themselves. At all times you must have an positive outlook that Moshiach will one day come and unite Klal Yisroel.
4. You need to have a sense of humor- In this day and age all the young people are interested in is a sense of humor. If you can't laugh at the stupid reasons why the couple will never work out, you will probably drop out of the job entirely. A healthy dose of laughing gas after meeting with every new customer will probably help get you through the day. If that doesn't work, I know a good pharmacist that can hook you up with something nice. Matchmaking in the modern age is a stressful business, not for the feint of heart.
5. You must be with it- "It" means knowing all the latest hakpuhdahs that people have grown accustomed to keeping in the last few seconds. How can you make a good shidduch if you don't know the issues of extreme importance in everyone's everyday lives. If people don't have that many stipulations, as a good responsible matchmaker, it is your job to make some up for them. You don't want your perfect record to be marred by even one divorce, better to make up wonderful reasons why people shouldn't be going out in the first place.
6. You have got to be nosy- Get all up in everyone's business. If a girl isn't married, harass her about her non-marital status. Make sure that she feels guilty, and realizes that you are her only hope and salvation when it comes to getting married. Ask questions that are as personal as you can imagine. Most of all, you must make everyone feel bad about who they are, and who they want to marry. The key to being good at being nosy is to ask the hard questions, and not let up until you get the answers you want to hear.
7. Last but not least- When All goes well, ASK BOTH SIDES FOR LOTS OF MONEY. You deserve it; without your wonderful services all Jewish Men would be bachelors for life, and all Jewish Maidelach would die spinsters.

Got it?

Now get out there and start Matchmaking.

Incentives, Incentives, and more Incentives

I have heard that money makes the world go around. Imagine my horror when I discovered there was a financial crisis going on. The world would soon stop spinning, and we would all drift off into space. After thinking about it for a little while I decided not to worry. The people that said that money makes the world go around were obviously wrong, either that or the crisis isn't really as bad as many imagine. However, given that the consensus is that we are in a humongous financial crisis the likes that as has not been felt in many many years, I think that the more likely scenario is that the world keeps going around and around, not by the power of money, but by the power of good old incentives.

When I was little I was always offered a treat to coerce me into acting in socially acceptable forms of behavior. The incentives could be a piece of bubble gum to scrape my room of dried bubble gum, or it could be the new Lego for not destroying my brother's toys. As I got older the incentives to act with socially acceptable manners became more extreme. From food and Lego, the incentives escalated to gala parties in my honor and huge cash rewards for taking out the trash.

Ask most people why they go to work everyday and they will probably not tell you about the great time that they have at the office. Usually people go to work for the paycheck that the work brings. The incentive for people to keep producing things that others want to consume is not the need to be helpful on a world scale, the true incentive to keep working is the food that the worker gets to put on his table after a hard days work. The world goes around because people are given the incentive to keep it going around and around.

But what about all of you people that think you are doing good in the world and making it a better place? There really is no incentive in it for you. You are probably screaming about how you are not selfish, and that everything you do is for a higher purpose. You probably think that the incentives makes the world go round is totally a bunch of baloney. Your thinking that if only the people would stop focusing on money, the world would be a better place.

To this I say, "You are so full of it, I can smell it across the street."

Nobody lives in a vacuum. Each one of us exist partially due to our own volition, but also partially due to the social atmosphere that surrounds us. I don't know anyone who would last as a Robinson Crusoe trapped on an Island for years on end without human contact. Just as I don't know anyone who would last without food for more than a day or two, (3 tops). Just as physical sustenance, in the form of money, is the literal carrot that is used to get people to do the will of others, social sustenance in the form of all sorts of human connections are the incentives to get people to do all sorts of things that they otherwise would not do.

Charity- Who wants to give away the money that they worked so hard to acquire? The approval that we receive from doing these actions are the obvious incentives.(Not to mention the tax deductions.) If you are in Shul and a fellow comes up to you and asks for money, by giving him the money, you feel good. Whether the fellow was legit or not is irrelevant, you feel good because either you think you did something intrinsically good, or because you think you did something that God approves of. The incentive to do the good act isn't really the act itself, it's the good feeling that you think you will get after having done the action.

All action and all morals that people exhibit can all be boiled down to the incentives that were put in place to bring these actions and morals about. Good people have the belief in an afterlife and possible strong negative time preference in certain situations. They value the rewards that they feel are promised to them in the world to come more than they value the consumption of the extra things that exploiting and stealing can bring about. When opportunities present themselves for a good person to act he will act on the incentives provided to him by the bigger reward, the heavenly reward. He has made a cost-benefit analysis and the incentives to act one way out weigh the incentives to act in another way. Not so good people do the calculation differently, either they don't believe in an afterlife, or they have very strong positive time preference. To them, now is always better than later. The incentives of the possibility of pleasant afterlife is not good enough to change this person's behavior.

I could make a nice conclusion that sums up everything into a few sentences. I could continue to argue the point for a few more paragraphs. I could pontificate on the existence of true good and true evil. But there really isn't that much of an incentive for me to keep typing; and besides, you look like you've read enough.

To avoid confrontation they kill your hopes

It really gets to me, I haven't even started working in the real world, and already I hate corporate America. I went on a few interviews and in none of them did they have the decency to tell me that they didn't want me for a real reason. In every one of the situations they just told me that they would be contacting me within the week, and they never end up contacting me. I know I probably should be thanking them for even taking the time out of their busy day to interview me, but that withstanding, couldn't they at least tell me something like, "Dude, you have no experience. Even with all your schooling we think we can do better than hire a good for nothing know nothing." I might be angry for a few days, perhaps a little pissed off, but I would probably understand. In this world where many good people are getting let go for no reason at all, it is probable that there are many people with more experience looking for a job that they could hire.

Instead of treating people like menchen, the hiring managers for these wonderful corporations are taught to avoid confrontation at all costs. And why shouldn't they avoid confrontation? Confrontation is the things lawsuits are made out of. Instead of telling people how it really is, they sugarcoat the truth into nice easy to handle soundbites, "We'll be in touch."

If I were a hiring manager who realized that the person I was interviewing was not a good fit for the company, I would have the decency to tell the person the real situation. I would at least have a nice rejection email ready to send to all the people that I decide are not good enough for the position. I would not leave the person hoping for an eventual phone call informing them of employment when in reality no employment is forthcoming.

And Yet.

What are childish hopes worth anyway? I'll get over it, get a job, and move on. When I end up on the other side of the desk looking for new employees, perhaps I'll have the guts to tell it like it truly is.

What do women look for in a perspective shidduch?

Whatever they are taught to look for by their teachers in Seminary, of course.

How could the question ever be asked? Everyone knows that all women have only the best intentions when looking for a husband. The only way women will ever have superficial motives is if they are taught to have these motives by evil manly influences.

A Good Girl looks for: frum yeshiva background, serious ben Torah who truly values limud haTorah, sincerely devoted to Yiddishkeit, learning as long as possible, middos tovos, eidel, refined mentch, mature, responsible, close-knit family values, black hat, deep, intelligent, warm, solid hashkofos, baal chesed, no TV movies or Internet Chas Vishalom

A Good Girl who was influenced by the evil men in the world looks for: clean shaven, works daily, open minded, learns occasionally, sense of humor, black hat occasionally, shul on Shabbos, interested in helping Global warming through a pack a day, chilled out, modern frum, tall, put together, must have a Rav (who he listens to occasionally), good heart to keep the medical bills down, TV for future kids at grandparents only, has a plan.

Single Ladies, don't be influenced by the krum society created by the rotten apples. Be that Aishes Chayil that all good serious learners need. Don't, Chas Vishalom, be caught up in the trap of considering superficial motives like... well anything that might have popped into your head that didn't come directly from a teacher in HS or seminary.

Good men certainly have higher motives.

What men look for in a perspective shidduch

1. Rich Parents
   
2. Hourglass Figure
   
3. Good Cook
   
4. Prolific Ability
   

(O, I almost forgot, #5. Aishes Chayil)

Funny Cinderella Spam

I recently got this wonderful spam email that really made me laugh. Some people are so stupid, you just have to laugh.

I know this mail will come to you as a surprise since we have not had previous correspondence, please bear with me. I will really like to have a good relationship with you, and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you.

I decided to contact you because of the urgency of my situation here after surfing the net for the reason which I contacted you, I am Mr Ahbib Sanusi 20 years old boy from Liberia, the only son of Late Dr Alhaji Bugora Sanusi the deputy minister of national security under the leadership of president Charles Taylor who is now in facing murder charges, my father was killed by government of Charles Taylor, he accused my father of coup attempt against his government.

I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment I am receiving from my step mother. She planned to take away all my late father's treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father.
Meanwhile I wanted to escape to the but she hides away my international passport and other valuable travelling documents. Luckily she did not discover where I kept my fathers File which contains important documents.

So I decided to run to the refugee camp where I am presently seeking asylum under the United Nations High Commission for the Refugee herein Abidjan Cote D’Iovoire where my late father deposited some amount of money in a bank. I wish to contact you personally for a long term business relationship and investment assistance in anywhere in the world.
My late father deposited the sum of US$ 4.8 million (Four million eight hundred thousand united state dollars) in one of the leading bank with my names as the next of kin.

However, I shall forward to you with the necessary documents on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer of the money to your account, and investment of the fund. As you will help me in an investment, and I will like to complete my studies, as I was in my secondary school, when the crisis started.
If you are willing to help me in this, I will like to have your full contact as well as your

Phone and fax number...
Your full names and country name...
Your age and your passport or identity....

I am waiting for your urgent and positive response. Please do keep this only to your self please I plead you not to disclose it till I come over to your country after the transfer.

Contact me on private email
Yours Sincerely Ahbibi,
Nice day.

Basically, the fellow decided to copy the story of Cinderella and place it in a modern setting. He is expecting you to be his fairy godmother and grant him a wagon of cash and personal identification made out of a spam email pumpkin. His evil step mother is preventing him from going to the ball, perhaps if you sent him the identity of a real prince he would finally be able to party.

The Rush Limbaugh "Camelot" theory, with my "addendum".

First off what is Camelot? Wiki defines Camalot as:

"Camelot is the most famous castle and court associated with the legendary King Arthur. Absent in the early Arthurian material, Camelot first appeared in 12th-century French romances and eventually came to be described as the fantastic capital of Arthur's realm and a symbol of the fabulous Arthurian world."

So Camelot in essence is some mystical kingdom where people smile all day and things are magically splendid. Now what practical application does this have to these contemporary times?

Rush Limbaugh has an excellent theory regarding the media and calls it, "Camelot". The theory is that the media is and has been, trying to create a Camelot-esque aura around Barack Obama's presidency ever since he gained popularity in the primaries. So the word "Camelot" sums it up quite well, some sort of a nearly mystical and utopian presidency.

Some examples would be:
1. The "polls" coming out on Barack Obamas's approval ratings, at last check he wasn't in office yet.

2. The general media constantly comparing him to FDR (who wasn't a great president anyway IMO) and JFK (whom both happened to die in office).

3. Stupid "historians" making comments such as, "I would say it’s probably - he’s probably the smartest guy ever to become President.".

4. The general media portrayal of him as a Messiah, speaking to all world leaders with no preconditions. A real utopia creating diplomat.

5. "News anchors" getting feelings of furrowing up their legs when Obama speaks.

I cannot think of any more examples off the top of my head, feel free to leave some in comments.

Well now is where my theory comes in.

All this talk about Caroline Schlossberg (Kennedy) being considered as a Senator of NY, just advances Rush Limbaugh's theory. If she accomplishes getting the job in the Senate, the Democrat party will likely push her to have a go at the presidency. What can possibly be portrayed as Camelot more than an actual "Kennedy" running for presidency? She would make an excellent Camelot part two, the media must be nostalgic. Can there be any other motive for anyone wanting her in office? It is not like she has any credentials. Oh wait excuse me, she has three:

1. Her last name used to be Kennedy

2. She one time edited her mothers poetry book

3. She sounds like an idiot so we must give her a national job out of pity.

So you see today's media has begun a new tactic to advance its own political agenda.

Egg Foo Young, The Chinese have a Goo Imaginationg

In honor of the existence of the Chinese people, today I decided to go to a Chinese eating establishment. After eating my fill of Chinese fast food, I can rightly say that there really is nothing to celebrate but a stomach ache.

I walked into the store and looked at the menu. All the food looked like a variation on the same theme; Chicken, Meat, Veal, sauce, vegetables. In the sea of sameness I spotted something unique.

Egg foo young

What was this young foo? I wondered.

I asked the Mashgiach/counter person with a long beard what this wonderfully sounding dish might be. He had no idea, and promptly called the Chinese fellow from the back. The Chinese guy couldn't describe what it was either, so I decided that I would order it.

A few blocks of walking in the cold and I was home with my mysterious Egg Foo Young. And what a few young it was too. Imagine lots of grease and eggs with little pieces of meat thrown in, though not that much meat. Further imagine a prune smelling sauce accompanying said grease, eggs, and minuscule shreds of beef. Then picture the container of white over-boiled rice that was to go along with the foo young.

There was no time like the present to die of high cholesterol. I chowed down on my foo young.

The Chinese should stick to making lead infested toys for little kids to chew on. At least then you know what the risks are going in. Death is inevitable. I really can not imagine how anyone could have the possible Chutzpah to call what I ate, Food.

Oy My Stomach.

Children tell parents, "No, we won't stop fighting"

When seeing the news, I got a big chuckle. Both Israel and Hamas don't want to stop fighting. They both want to continue fighting, no matter what the parent, UN, has to say about it. The fighting goes on until there is a definitive winner.

It's funny how little power parents have when the children don't care what they have to say. It is only when there is some respect that the opinion and requests of a parent have some meaning. It is obvious from the fact that both Israel and Hamas won't stop fighting that both of them don't give one shekel for what the international community, represented by the UN, thinks about them both killing each other.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Come on, Break it Up. Break it Up.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

The crowd all claps and cheers the fighters on.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

The referee screams, OK Thats enough.

Enough! Enough!

But the crowd keeps cheering.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

The fighters keep on punching, kicking, biting, clawing, kneeing.

Until one goes down for good.

And everyone goes home with their blood lust satiated.

Honestly, is Governor David Patterson nuts?

In an interview on ABC's Nightline Governor Patterson said the following,

"This idea of taxing sugar and the sodas is very unpopular. I think about 70% of the people are opposed to it. But I'll tell you something, if I'm the only one standing I'm going to advocate for it.".

Am I the only one who thinks this guy is a serious moron? Who does he think he represents, The people or himself? If 70% of New Yorkers do not favor a sugar tax then who is he to say he knows better than his own people that he represents! Does anyone here understand the significance of 70% opposed? It seems as though he has some sort of agenda and screw the people!

The real "chutzpa" is that he was not elected by the people! How can he just walk into the governors office and blatantly ignore and screw his own people?

I have a couple of suggestions for the governor to help generate some more cash. This way he can bloat the state budget even more (to be read in a tone of sarcasm).

1. The 300 calories per meals tax. All meals that are per serving over 300 calories should be taxed. Justification: An expansion of the currently proposed sugar tax. Obviously people cannot control themselves hence the obesity epidemic, so now the government will have to "mommy" you.

2. The "oh my god, that's too dangerous tax". Meaning, anything that the government considers to be dangerous shall be taxed. Examples: Boxing, Snowboarding, skiing, surfing, evil keniville type stunts/all stunts in general.... Use your imagination. Justification: Basically an expansion of ticketing when one does not wear a seat belt. Just like it is you putting yourself at risk by not buckling up yet you get ticketed, same logic applies to my examples.

Oh you think I am going overboard don't you? Don't kid yourself.


Governor Patterson's interview transcript.
http://www6.lexisnexis.com/publisher/EndUser?Action=UserDisplayFullDocument&orgId=574&topicId=100007216&docId=l:907506470&isRss=true

The Kosher View of a Dead Chicken

Yesterday I watched as three chickens were slaughtered right in front of me. There was a class in Shchitah going on, and I was interested in seeing how it was done in real life. Where did the frozen chicken in the freezer come from before it gets to the butcher shop?

One of the trainees got a chance to actually slaughter the chicken K'halacha. He held the chicken properly, but unfortunately, being his first time, he messed up and hit a feather on the down stroke. The chicken was now not a kosher chicken. From having the possibility of edibility to the garbage in from one wrong move. If you would cut it open, you could not tell the difference one way or another that a mistake was made, and yet still it is considered a Nivaylah, uneatable by Jews.

Kashrus has nothing to do with health concerns. It has nothing to do with humanitarian concerns. It has nothing to do with having fun killing birds and animals. Kashrus even has nothing to do with a Rabbi's blessing, although a brocha was made before doing the Shcitah. Kashrus is all about Halacha, keeping the tradition that this is the way Hashem wants us to kill a bird or an animal before eating it.


One little mistake and the Chicken gets thrown in the garbage.



Done properly, you get fresh chicken for Shabbos.

Schar Batalah: The Rebbe Kollel Payment Contract

How is it that we pay people to sit and learn? Isn't learning supposed to be Lishma, for God's Sake? If we give people money for learning, aren't we taking away some of the good deed that they are doing?

The classical answer is that we are not paying Rebbeim to teach Torah. We are not paying Kollel Yumgerliet to sit and learn.Instead what we are doing is paying them the money that they lost from not going to work and the next best opportunity. In Economics, this concept is known as opportunity cost. In Yeshivish Speak, this is also known as Schar Batalah.

The idea that people are not paid to work, but paid for his opportunity cost, can explain many things about the Torah learning community's attitude toward many different aspects of human life.

Firstly, it explains the Charaidi attitude toward secular education. If a person were to gain any real marketable skills the opportunity cost for sitting in Kollel or teaching goes up astronomically. In order for people to sit and learn full time they must be supported by others. Others who work can not support so many people if they are forced to pay large salaries to the learners. Since all that has to be paid is the Schar Batalah, the less educated in marketable skills a person is the less he has to be paid, and the longer he can sit and learn. This is especially true in places where there are government handouts in place to support children with poor parents.

Secondly, this concept of Schar Batalah explains why there is such a low caliber of education in Yeshiva Elementary schools. Teachers are not paid for the effort they put in, nor are they paid based on how well the students know the material. They are paid for next best thing an uneducated person could spend there time doing. The result is a system that hires just about anyone to be a Rebbe teaching children Torah, even Rebbeim that can't punctuate or spell, if their life depended on it.

Thirdly, it explains why many Kolleliet don't feel like they have to work very hard. If all they are getting paid for is the time that they could have spent doing something else, why not relax and do something else? While many people are in Yeshiva because they want to be, many others are there out of social pressure and/or marriage commitment. Neither, social pressure nor marriage commitment demand that a person is actually using his time in a productive fashion. Without any monetary incentive tied to the amount and/or quality learned, there will be many slackers sitting in Yeshiva doing the bare minimum to get by.

Lastly, (and I know there are more but...) formulating the payment of educators in this way makes people look down on the profession of Torah learning and Torah education. In a world where the salary of an individual defines how much he is worth to society at large, to pay a someone who learns Torah the the cost of the next best thing that he could be doing leads people to demean the concept of Torah scholarship. You can preach from today till tomorrow about the importance of learning, but people will not be convinced unless the people that are learning are being paid in proportion to that importance by people in this world.

In short, by paying people that choose to sit and learn only the amount that they could have earned if they chose to sweep the floors leads to many inefficiencies. People that should be learning because of their superior capabilities end up being drawn into the workforce. People that shouldn't be learning end up in Kollel and as Rebbeim for far longer than they would have had the payment for doing so be equal to the capabilities of the person and the learning completed.

Everyone has to learn Torah Lishmah. Not everyone should be paid for learning Torah Lishmah.

Thoughts on The Pointless Unending War

The war is in full swing, rockets are being thrown back and forth, tanks are moving around in circles, people are dieing very nicely, and the international community has asked yet again for Israel to show restraint in their course of pest control. The same story, again, again, and again. It reaches a point where thinking people hear about all the pointless violence on both sides and say, enough is enough. Don't you realize that you are both acting like a bunch of children? It is time to act like adults and stop killing each other? Does it help anyone when people are killed uselessly?

Israelis scream out, "But they started it!" Palestinians yell angrily, "No, you started it!" Everyone yells and screams at each other, and nothing gets done. The UN tells both sides to stop fighting, like a parent trying to make peace between two fighting children, but nothing really gets done because both children think that the UN is biased toward one of the children. So the fighting continues. No one is willing to find a mutually beneficial solution, it is much more important to be right and win the war, than coexist peaceably.

The problem is that there is no mutually beneficial solution. How can there be when God is fighting on both sides? Both sides see themselves as the rightful rulers of all the land. Both sides see there right as God given, and both sides think the other has no right to anything at all. Under this paradigm there is no way to resolve the conflict. Without God coming down and fixing it himself in the form of some sort of miracle, the fighting will go on forever until one side is unequivocally wiped of the face of the earth. Even with a miracle, both sides will refuse to agree to anything that disagrees with what there previous ideology.

Until one side is completely destroyed the fight will go on and people will continue to die pointlessly. Like a slapstick comedy that never ends, both sides will continue to hit each other until the audience on the world stage gets tired and decides to change the channel on the TV. Because the attention span of the world audience is too short to waste watching one show all the time.

If you ask any individual what they care about, you will find that the answers are pretty much all the same. Most people have similar goals in life. They want to have the most fulfilling lives that they possibly can. What this means to most people is a decent job, a family, and a roof above their heads. For some, however, this means meddling in the business of others, it means telling others how they should best live their lives in ways that they think are best. These meddlesome individuals are the people that become leaders, and these leaders are the people who start wars.

The only people that enjoy the concept of war are either brainwashed into believing that the war is in their best interest, or control freaks who can not leave well enough alone when it comes to letting individual people live their lives in peace. Given opportunity for a good life, most people will not turn to violence. It is only when a people believe that they have no opportunity that they will turn to war. It is only when backed into a corner that even non-meddlesome people will agree to fight.

The root of the problem is the existence of states and individual governments based in nationalistic and religious pride. Any state created on the principle of nationalism or religion will be inherently meddlesome in an individuals life. And any country created that is inherently meddlesome in an individuals preferences will lead to war and the death of a country's citizens. Hamas' attack on Israel is one motivated by meddlesome nationalism, as is every attack by the Palestinians on Israel. Israel is a Jewish state,and no matter how much the secular Israelis would like to deny it, founded based on Jewish nationalistic pride. In this paradigm war between Israelis and Palestinians is regrettably inevitable and unending.

To solve the problem, a change in the paradigm is needed. People's way of thinking has to change. In dealing with problems, people have to stop seeing themselves as members of a cohesive unbreakable group and have to start seeing themselves as individuals with their own wants and needs. In making policy and in everyday life people can no longer go about acting in a meddlesome fashion. No matter how right a person thinks he is, he has no entitlement to impose his views on others. While it is true that we each must take responsibility for what others do, we can not force others to do as we would like. All we can do is set the best example we can, and hope that the world follows our lead.

Before there were Kings in Israel, there were judges. The people judged the Judges. There was no State. It is only when the people demanded a King, like all other nations, that one was given to them. It was only when meddlesome people thought that things would be better with a central power ruling over everyone that a King was appointed. Kingship, or any centralized government, is not the optimal way for things to be. It is only through the meddling in the business of others that a centralized governments comes into existence.

Both the Modern state of Israel and any proposed state of Palestine only serve one purpose, meddling in the business of individuals. This is the case when it comes to almost every government in existence founded in nationalistic fervor. They promote the nationalism that originally created them and not the individual people's best interests. Both modern Zionism, as well as the modern Palestinian movements, were founded solely on nationalistic grounds. They were not formed with the common man in mind, but with the central theme of national sovereignty. How can both nationalisms coexist in one place? The answer is, they can't.

In order to win this war, and all subsequent wars, both sides must lose. They must both lose the childish attitudes that have kept the war going for the past few years. It is only when the shackles of nationalism are thrown off that people in all countries will be able to grow up, stop the pointless fighting, and start being adults.

Reading Aramaic at the Wedding

If you have ever been to a Jewish wedding you would undoubtedly heard the sounds of an old man reading comprehensible words under the Chuppah. "What is he reading?", you asked yourself a few times. In between reading tehillim and praying to Hashem for your own shidduch, if you weren't too embarrassed of your lack of knowledge, you probably asked the question in a low voice to the person sitting right next to you. To which the person next to your promptly replied, "That is the Rabbi catching up on Daf Yomi." You probably thought this was a joke but didn't inquire further so as not to compound your own feeling of stupidity. In passing later on, someone mentions that the fellow who was reading the Kesubah did a great job. It is then that you realize that all those words in Aramaic were really the Kesubah being read and not some crazy Rabbi subjecting the crowd to his rendition of Bava Kamma.

It's no wonder the Kesubah, a document outlining the responsibilities of the husband, is written in a language no one but Jewish men can barely understand. We can't have the women knowing that they are actually entitled to anything.

In a recent post by Harry Maryles, the question is raised whether a woman can be the one to read the Kesubah. He says, "I see no Halachic problem with it at all. It would seem to be no different than a woman addressing a mixed audience at a banquet." But, he concludes, "I am willing to bet that this will never happen though...But I don’t see why not." Well, I do see why this can't happen.

It's hard enough for a fellow who learns in Yeshiva day in and day out to read the dense Aramaic text. For a women who has not had any experience reading Gemara at all, the tasks is pretty much impossible.

Recently, I was at two different weddings; one had the Kesubah read by an senile old man, you really couldn't even hear him mumble half the words; the other was read by a fellow with a very strong voice, everyone gave him a round of applause after he was done. I got to say, one made the reading of a legal document sound very important and regal, the other made it sound like a drudgery.

Imagine someone (man or woman) getting up there and just breaking their teeth on words that they can't pronounce. The embarrassing wait while whoever it is stands up there and practices their reading skills sounds positively painful, no matter how good they look standing up there doing it.

2009: The Year of Insensitivity.

As I sit and listen to all the people honking their horns and blow off firecrackers, I feel ...
No joy that another secular year has come and gone.
No happy thrills that the number 9 will grace all of my bills.
The wonder that most feel from a new beginning, just a construct, the earth keeps spinning.
I wonder what this new year will bring, will we cry or will we sing?
How many jobs will collapse,will companies and governments get the ax.
So lift your glasses in a big salute, Who really gives a hoot?
The situation's bad , there's war and fear, they don't accept credit here.
A couple of miles over the sea, they are throwing rockets at you and me.
Few more miles over the land, Osama and his buddies hiding in the sand.
We'll help the cause, do all we can, one more round, come on drink up man.
People will always cry, there is always someone who just died.
It's ain't like that's affecting me, here... take some of my money.
What? That's not good enough, put down my beer too?
You've got to be kidding, I'm not even through.
Really, I'm just sitting on the couch, contemplating the pros and cons.
Another year has come and gone, one year over, a new one just begun.
Economy, Scandal, War, Peace, I'm comfortable, feet wrapped in fleece.

O look here it comes, Life: big and scary, huge blazing guns.
No more can I hide no more can I cower, It's 2009 bring on the power.
Detachment was so 2008, there is more to done than can be left up to fate.
There's causes to fight, a war to be won, there really is no time to have any fun.

Eat up your beans, eat up your rice, kids starving all over the world would die for a bite.

Happy New Year.

Because you know;
Even while people all around are sad, deep down they're really glad.
Just cause you have, and they have not, don't mean they're not happy with their lot.
They're really happy they're not you, drunk and hungover since Two Thousand and Two.

Just remember, If it rhymes it's probably true somewheres.