Making the Rich:Flee and the Poor: Rich

What characterizes a rich person? What makes a person have a high income? We all know that money comes from God, but is there any common denominator between people of high incomes?

Some people get lucky and strike it rich. Some people exploit the less fortunate and strike it rich. Others though get rich the good old fashioned way; they earn the money. Through skill and hard work, perhaps a little spark thrown in the mix, the people who make money are those that are at the forefront of creating things that people all over the world are willing to pay money to get their hands on.

To be fair, the way the people get there hands on the start up capital to start producing things that people want is left up to historical circumstance. Who a person's family happens to be plays a large part in becoming wealthy. As the old adage goes, it takes money to make money. However, for the most part the distribution of income in the world has less to do with being fair and keeping people fed, and more to do with who produces things that other people with money would like to purchase.

Then CHANGE happens.

Obama is elected into office as President of the USA. He promises change; tax breaks for the poor and middle class at the expense of the wealthy upper class.

As a person who is currently lazily unemployed, I couldn't be happier. The President's plan makes me very happy. I now know that I have to work less to get all the things that I want. All I have to do is keep my expectations middle class level and I am in the money. When I do eventually find a suitable job I will be able to sit on my laurels with the knowledge that no matter how hard God tries to make the poor rich, and the rich poor, Obama will be there to stop him.

However, one thing startles me when it comes to Obama's great plan. The rich people may move to another country where there is no one out to steal their money. This is a big problem because much of my life plan is based on leeching off the rich people for my personal survival. To prevent this catastrophe I propose that legislation be put in place preventing rich people from moving out of the country. Also, the government should nationalize the banks so that the rich people can't flee with their money. This way there is no danger of my equality being ruined by rich expatriates fleeing the United States of America.

With this new plan in place, good humble folk like myself can rest easy in the knowledge that they can now rest easy. The rich people, with their ability to produce things that people like, will now be the slaves of the people that can't afford to buy the things that people like. Eventually there may even be equality on Plant America. Because while all Americans will be equal, at least we will be better than all those countries ruled by dictators.

The Mindset of the Modern Murder Community

In our communities there has been a laxity lately when it comes to one of the worst sins in the book. I am not of course referring to Cillul Hashem; this has been a known problem for ages. I am not even talking about the way women dress these days; it is well known that women these days dress like streetwalkers. I am talking about the very real problem in our community of Murder, the killing of innocents.

For many years people have been walking around and randomly turning into psychopathic killers. They get up in the morning and plan to randomly kill the first person that looks at them the wrong way. They give no credence to the fact that the Torah says straight out, “Thou shall not kill.” They care nothing for the fact that the law says that killing is wrong. All they care about is doing what feels right in their hearts.

Recently a prominent community leader got up in front of a large crowd and loudly proclaimed, “At least they aren’t having promiscuous premarital sex. So long as they confine their activities to the people that look at them the wrong way, and not to the population as a whole, I don’t see what is wrong with what they are doing.”

It is really shocking; the moral depravity that exists in our society is really repulsive. One Choshiver fellow even told me the other day how he had to fight off a crazy ax wielding man in a $2000 suit. “I did nothing to warrant such an act of violence, if it hadn’t been for my own ax I wouldn’t be here today to tell the tale.”

There have been some community leaders that have taken the bold step and condemned all this recent murder activity. However, the word on the street is that these people are not being taken seriously by anyone. When asked about these community leaders, a fellow with a bloody ax in his hand responded, “I don’t give a rats &#@ what the &^#* those people have to say. They can all go ^&$@ themselves as far as I’m concerned.”

There are a few Bloggers scattered all over the world that are not so certain. Many believe that if something is not done soon about this Murder problem more and more people will end up dying senselessly. As one blogger expertly points out, “We know what it right and wrong. And if something isn’t done soon, lots of wrong will have been done. I don’t understand why more people in the community don’t stand up and talk about this issue. People are getting killed by the thousands.”

The vast response from the people as a whole has been one of extreme indolence. In a web poll done on behalf of the Pro-life Alliance most people admitted that they would just keep walking in the event that they see a murder being committed.

The question of Good and Evil (Part 1)

Many people would like to believe that there is a solid line between good and evil. Good means following what God wants from you. Evil means doing the opposite, doing what God doesn’t want you to do. People that follow the will of Hashem have a moral compass that is pointing north at all times, and people that follow their own desire have no compass at all. On more than one occasion I have heard someone I respect highly say that the Modern Orthodox are just out to be serve themselves, by permitting adultery, and not to serve Hashem. He believes that the whole driving force behind anything that doesn’t have the implicit question of, “Is this what God would want?” is automatically driven by the human short run desire for pleasure. The argument is; if the goal isn’t God, the goal is by definition immoral.

My point of view is just the opposite. I personally don't believe there is anyone that does something truly just for Hashem. To me good and evil is all about the incentives put in place to get Good outcomes and the disincentives to get bad outcomes. To me,unlike my buddy Samuel, the whole concept of fighting the good fight is a farce. The fire and brimstone and the great rewards in the next world are nothing more than great big incentives to get people to do one set of outcomes over another. In every instance where it can be argued that a person was acting for the sake of God, there can be found insidious ulterior motives hiding not so far beneath the surface.

There is an old Chassidishe joke that I find makes this point very well. There were once two Rebbes sitting down on Shabbos to a nice plate of Kigel. One, takes a piece of kigel and says in a loud voice, "Lishaym Shabbos Koidesh", for the sake of the holy shabbos. He makes a nice brocha and eats the kigel. The second Rebbe takes some kigel and says in an equally loud voice, "Lishaym Maan Boych", for my stomach's sake. He too makes a brocha and starts eating the kigel. But while the kigel is still in his mouth the other Rebbe askes him, "Nee, What about Shabbos?"(The indignation is so strong he forgot his Yiddish). To which the Rebbe, still with kigel in his mouth answers back, "Nee, Vus is Emes", who you kidding? In short, we are all just out to feed our proverbial stomachs.

If people act for the sake of their own desires, what is good and what is bad? How can anyone person determine what actions are good ones and which are deplorable? How can anyone determine who is a good person and who is a bad person? Is it all up to how each individual feels about the action, and/or about the person, or is there some sort of objective criteria by which Good and Bad can be judged?

Humans have been given free will (or at least the appearance of free will which for our purposes is essentially the same thing as actual free will),and part of that free will is the ability to choose the basis on which to act. If each individual has the ability to choose not only what actions to take, but also on what basis to take what actions, how can there be any criteria to determine an objective Good and Bad? Each person will take whatever philosophy they choose and base their actions on the chosen philosophy. There is no way for anyone to ever chastise a person for their actions, all a person can do by praise is say, "I think what you just did fits with my personal chosen philosophy as well as yours." All chastisement does is say, "I think what you have just done does not fit with my personal set of morals."

We live in a society populated by more than one individual. Each one of us have to interact with each other on a dally basis; nobody lives in a vacuum. That being said, our philosophies as well as our actions are effected by the people who we interact with and relate to. We come to desire things from others, and others come to desire things of us. It is the precisely the interplay between our own personal goals, actions, and philosophies; and the goals, actions, and philosophies of others that Good and Evil can be found.

Part II to follow

The Hellish Consequences of an Insult

Did you know that when you insult or embarrass or even talk badly about someone else the person you embarrass gets all your Mitzvahs and you get all of his Avayrah?

It’s true.

The next time you call your boss a hopeless piggish A-hole, he just acquired all the good deeds that you have ever done in the course of your entire lifetime. The next time you go and tell your friend that he made a complete fool out of himself by walking around with a schnozzle hanging out of his nozzle all day all,all the sins he has ever done get transfer to you for repayment. Really though, the implications of this concept are amazing.

I remember hearing this concept as a story a few times throughout my wonderful school career. It was told to bring out the idea that embarrassing someone and telling Loshin Hara is the worst thing you can possibly do to a person. The penalty for such a deed could be so catastrophic; you really don’t even want to contemplate the consequences. Losing all the rewards you may have gotten for all the good deeds that you have ever done, and gaining a whole bunch of unknown sins has got to be a really big disincentive for doing something like embarrass a fellow Jew.

Just for a moment I would like to contemplate the consequences of such a punishment scheme. Imagine for a moment that Random Great Rabbi and Random Great Rasha were driving down the street. All of the sudden, Bamm, their cars slam into each other. Great Rabbi gets out of the car and says to Great Evil dude, “Why didn’t you watch where you were going, you putz?” At that exact moment, just before the Great Rabbi has a chance to apologies for calling the Rasha a putz, the Rasha drops dead. Does the fact that the Great Rabbi just insulted the Evil dude mean that all the evil deeds that the Rasha did now have to be paid for by the Great Rabbi, and all the good deeds done by the Great Rabbi now go to the evil Rasha? Sounds a bit preposterous, don’t it?

Imagine if you will two people insulting each other back and forth. Is there a vault in heaven where gold bars of good deeds are being moved from person to person? A sewege pit of sins that get transfered from sinner to sinner? Is the person that says that last insult the poorer one when it comes to golden deeds in his heavenly vault?

It seems like this type of concept was developed solely for children to understand the concept of consequences, and it has nothing to do with the reality of the impact of our actions. I personally don’t know how heaven and hell work. I know one thing for sure; it’s not as simple as a vault and an old fashioned scale weighing out the good and bad.

Kindergarten Judaism

As kids we experienced a whole different type of religion than we do as adults. As kids, actions are rewarded or punished for instantly depending on the type of action . As children everything seems simple; you listen to Uncle Moshe, Shmuel Kunda, and your Morah. You may ask questions like, “Whyyyyyyyy?!,” but you knew deep down that the answer doesn’t matter; you will end up doing whatever the authority figure wants in the end anyway.

Every day is a vacation day. You got up and go to School for a few hours, and usually you get to have a sanctioned nap time and playtime. Learning was secondary, but only for the discovery of what you could make out of silly puddy, blocks and play doe. In the midst of this whole relaxing phenomenon you were told that Hashem watches everything that you do. “Hashem is here, Hashem is there, Hashem is truly everywhere,” while not necessarily the most philosophically based version of God’s existence, it gives you a real feeling of what Hashem's effect on you is supposed to be. Hashem is alway watching and the teacher is his hand, God help you if you don't do whatever it is that the teacher wants.

Being cruel and not forward thinking though, kids naturally take advantage of each other. Even in the best of schools there are kids who break the rules, punch each other, and steal snack and lunch from each other. Hashem may be here, there, and everywhere; but the Morah can only be in one place at a time. The obvious recourse for any kid is to tell “Morah,” or teacher what is going on, and as an agent of Hashem, the Morah will set everything to rights as it should be.Then there will be nap time; all is right with the world.

The stories too are told in this way. There is a simple black and white answer for everything. In the stories there were good guys, and a bad guys who were easily differentiable. All the stories of the Torah were told in this same way, and you don't question the rightness of this. All the Avos in the Torah wore nice tall Streimels, and all the Rashaim had long hair and had evil looking eyes. The worst thing a person can be called is a Rasha, pure evil in the eyes of the person doing the name calling. The best thing is to be called a tzaddikel, a little righteous boy who can do no wrong.

But all good things come to an end. The semi-angelic existence you come to expect from life is shattered by the first breath of the real world.

Ambiguity.

The simpleness that you come to expect from life is washed away by the real internal conflicts that arise from truly experiencing the world.The rest of life is the search for that certainty that you felt when you were younger.

If you are lucky you find it in your choice of outlook in life. If you are not so lucky you spend your entire life searching after the elusive goal that you briefly had a glimpse of, the simple certainly of Kindergarten Judaism.

Eye Candy

Well you all don't know this, but cars are my secret passion. I am one of those nutty car enthusiast who know all car prices, engines, power/weight ratios... If I don't, then I like to think I do. I don't know why am so obsessed, all I know is that I just am.

So I just randomly decided to post some pictures of exotic cars. All are carbon fiber, lightweight masterpieces.

Koenigsegg CCXR. 4.7 Liter twin-supercharged V8. 806 horsepower with regular gas, 1018 with ethanol.
Pagani Zonda F. 602 horsepower Mercedes AMG V12.

Ascari A10. 625 horsepower modified BMW V8.

Porsche GT3 RS. 415 horsepower flat-six.

Mercedes McLaren SLR 722. 650 horsepower supercharged V8.

Alfa Romeo 8C Competizione. 444 horsepower V8.

When jokes become real

There are times when a person can say something in jest and everyone gets a good laugh. The problem arises when the person telling the joke starts believing in the truth behind the humor. If I made a joke about satanic rituals that is fine, everyone gets a laugh at the expense of the Satan worshipers. If I then subsequently start believing in the power of the satanic ritual, there is a problem. The most important thing for a comic to remember is the line between what he believes is funny and what he believes is true. Blur those lines and insanity may result.

I wonder what fried comic tastes like.

A society of Givers is a society of Takers

"In brief, a single act of indiscriminate charity (or discriminate
only in the sense of moving toward equalization of income
without any other criterion) may seem to increase the happiness
of the recipient more than it reduces the happiness of the donor.
But if such extensive and practically limitless charity were
erected into a general moral rule imposed on us it would lead
to a great diminution of happiness because it would encourage
permanent mendicancy in increasing numbers of people, who
would come to regard such help as a "right," and would tend to
discourage effort and industry on the part of those on whom
this moral burden was imposed."(Hazlitt 122)

What do you think? Sound like anything you know?

"You know what your problem is...."

Everyone thinks that by naming the problem they have somehow come closer to solving the problem. When a person falls from a airplane, we call it Gravity that killed him. Yet naming the cause of death does not define how we can prevent Gravity from killing every time. It's a nice name but it doesn't create something to solve the problem-the fellow just fell out of the plane, and gravity is killing him. Naming the Cause is useless without there being steps that can be taken to make the Cause not turn into the undesirable Effect.

Everyone is so full of such great advice. They all want to help define the problem. "You know what your problem is..." The help they offer though is the exact same advice they give to a man falling out of an airplane that has been captured by Gravity, start flapping your arms. They never actually have a parachute, all they have is remedies that are worse than useless.

I'm sure they mean well. But the road to hell is paved with good intentions. And Why? Because, good intentions that do nothing more than ostensibly define the problem make everyone feel like they are living in hell. You for your insensitive stupidity, and me for having to put up with Gravity and your stupid voice in the background telling me to flap my arms.

Playing with your head

I know you thought it was true. But guess what, It isn't. It doesn't help to defend yourself. You will just end up looking stupid. Just face it, you are wrong. I know for a while you thought you had it all figured out, everything seemed to fit, and all was well with the world. That was all a misconception of reality. You were really ignorant and you saw it all wrong.

You See
Left is Right
Right is Wrong
And Wong is a crazy Chinese guy

You See
Up is down
Down is Up
And Apparently seeing is not believing

You See
Back is Forth
Forth is Back
And Back and forth is repetitive

Light is Dark
Dark is Light
And Lite less filling than full moon

Fast is slow
O No..............
There is a tree right in front of me
Pull over
Pull over
It's just too late
BAC way over .08

What are you giving me this Purim?

It’s that time of year again, the time to think of a theme for your Purim Shalach Manos. The last few years have been a little lame, and this year you want to step it up a notch. This year, stop thinking so hard and let the experienced professionals at Not Just Typical Enterprises do all the thinking for you.

This year the top of our list in great themes is the Homeless Theme. No, not helping the homeless, a true theme that only a homeless person would love.

Ingredients

1) One bottle of cheap vodka
2) One loaf of day old rye bread
3) Soup made out of any leftovers you may have laying around
4) One poppy seed Hamantash

If the homeless theme doesn’t seem like it is up your alley, you may want to try some of our other great themes.

1) I’ve spent all my money on this Shalach Manos Theme (baskets made of gold and caviar)

2) Baseball Theme (Hotdogs and Beer)

3) Passover Early Theme (Potato Starch & Manischewitz)

4) I went to a Sale after Halloween Theme (Candy corn & Spiked Punch)

5) Yeshiva Bochor Theme (Cholent, Kugul, and Diet Coke)

And last but not least

6) The Yom Kippur Theme (Shmek Tabbak, half a raisin, & pumpkin pie)

For God's Sake, I lost my Yarmulke

The wind pounds into me at a million miles per hour. My hand clutches at my Yarmulke with all my might. The wind eats at my skin with the sharp cold that only a deep winter morning can bring. I put one foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other. Each step brings me closer to my destination. My nose begins to run; the snot has created a river that has moved from my nose down onto my jacket. But as I go to wipe away the river, a gust of wind stronger than all the others pushes my Yarmulke off my head into the street.

I look on in horror as one car after another drives their wheels over the black velvet. Like a marble on a smooth floor, the cap moves down the street with the traffic. I begin to give chase, but the wind is fighting against me.

“Stop!”

I scream out into the passing traffic. The Kippa does not stop its journey down the street, but a taxi pulls up right in front of me. The Indian looking fellow looks out the window and gives me an inquisitive look, “where to, sir?”

I get in the back of the cab and fasten my seatbelt. The smell in the back of the car was enough to make anyone chock and demand their inhaler. “After the cap, and step on it.” I said to the cabbie. As an afterthought I added, “Though don’t literally step on it, it’s a nice 5 dollars to get another one.”

In gear and speeding down the road, I begin to stare out the window in hopes of getting a glimpse of that small black head covering. Just when I am about to lose hope of ever finding the Yarmulke ever again, I spot it in the gutter.

I get out of the cab, run over and place the Yarmulke squarely on my head. It seems no worse for the wear.

“Hey, that’s $6 for the ride.” The cab driver screams out after me. I make a run for it; who wants to pay $6 for something that is $5 new in the store.

O, the pain I go through to protect the symbol of God’s omnipotence.

And the wind beats down at a million miles per hour.

The Making of a Gadol: Part I

In every generation there is one person who stands above all others in the minds of frum Yidden everywhere. This one person is called the Gadol Hador, the Great One of the Generation. In order to reach this exalted category a few steps must be taken. Leave out any of the steps and you will be relegated to the category of “Lamed Vavnik”, or one of the 36 hidden righteous people of the generation. These people are usually named Berne, and have less than a minyan at their funeral. A truly great person has lots of people at their funeral, and has lots of great people say great things about him while he listens in death.

Steps to become the Gadol Hador:

1. This world is filled with all sorts of things that detract from a person’s personal growth. There are so many outside influences that can turn a person astray. That is why the most important step to take in the journey to Greatness is the Choice of Parentage. Don’t choose any old Yanke and Rivky to be your mother and father. If you want the best chance at becoming the Gadol Hador, you must pick a former Gadol Hador as parents. While this might not get you the most attention growing up, and the chance of you leaving the fold altogether is very high, choosing to be a member of a family that already produced a Gadol Hador gives you a step up the latter. At the very least you should choose a father with a very long beard, and a mother who wears a veil.

2. The nest most important thing to ensure your success as the next Gadol Hador is the choice of schools. Specifically, you shouldn’t go to school. In every school that you can possibly enroll in there are people that are bad influences. These people will impede you in your lofty goal of Greatest Torah Leader of the Generation. No matter how great you work at choosing the proper parents, one bad friend may ruin it all. Instead of going to school where you might possibly be influenced by evil people, have your great parents hire you personal Tutors. These tutors should be vetted in all possible ways to ensure that they is the best Michanchem money can buy. You chose your parents, it’s the least they can do to spend all their money ensuring that you get the best education money can buy. It goes without saying that all you will be learning is Torah, and not any subversive secular studies. To be a true Gadol Hador, everyone must know that your mind is Koolo Torah, only filled with Torah.

3. Just having the best tutors that money can buy will not get you to the coveted status of Gadol Hador. In order to eventually make it to the Gadolhood, you must learn Torah all the time. Every moment you are not sitting on the pot you must be sitting in front of books with Hebrew letters on them. Never go near anything written in English, or any other language not Loshin Hakodesh, the holy tongue. The only way you can be truly considered Holy is if you read nothing but Hebrew, and speak nothing besides for Yiddish.

4. Being the Gadol Hador is only partly publicity, the rest is piety. This piety must be displayed publically or you will lose your publicity. In order to show the world how holy you truly are you must Daven the longest Shemona Esray in the shul, even longer than the Rabbi's. It is not enough that God knows that you care about his will; the rest of the members of shul must also know that you care more about what God thinks than any of them. The fact that you do the longest prayer makes your piety obvious to all. Make sure that you stand as close to the front of the shul, and sway back and forth as much as humanly possible.

TBC

To Many Rings: Hilarious Video

Important Things with Demetri MartinWed 10:30pm / 9:30c

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"I just don't think about it"- An expression of free will?

Have you ever had to do something unpleasant; something you just didn’t want to do, but had to do so anyway for fear of the consequences? Have you ever wanted to go above the speed limit, but refrained not because of the love of the speed limit but because of the possibility of a ticket? Have you ever been walking your dog and just don’t want to pick the poop up after him; however, you do so anyway for fear of the law? Have you ever just not wanted to brush your teeth in the morning, but did so anyway out of fear of ridicule? Have you ever got up late and gone about your daily routine, even though you would have rather stayed in bed for a few more hours? For most people I think the answer would be “yes” for many of these questions. The real question is, when you’re thinking this way is it a conscious decision, or does the fact that you are acting based on perceived consequences never truly enter your mind?

This line of questioning leads directly to the inquiry on human free will. What does it mean to be a being in possession of free will? Is free will nothing more than the capacity to make thought out decisions? When we don’t make thought out decisions, does that mean that at that point in time we don’t have free will? Perhaps even when we don’t think we are expressing a form of free will, the free will not to think?

A while ago I was speaking to a former college colleague of mine about the nature of government. This colleague was vehemently socialist. Free will was an illusion, my colleague contended. The logic behind this position was simple: Can a fat man get up and run a marathon? Can a poor man make a million dollar purchase? Can a person without musical talent play a beautiful piece by Mozart? The fact that the answer to all these questions is a resounding “No” means that these people in these situations are not in possession of true free will. The fact that these people may have some choices doesn’t mean that they have real free will. The fact that society controls what can and can’t be done means that there really is no true free will.

Speaking to my Rebbe on the subject got a whole different perspective. Human beings are completely beings of free will. All that exists is our capacity to make decisions. In fact our whole purpose for being on this world is to make choices that we will be judge on when the time comes. We are not human beings that happen to make choices; we are choice making human beings. Every choice we make, good or bad, is our own to make.

The problem is that both approaches, the one of my Rebbe as well as my former college colleague, looks at free will from two diametrically opposed points of view. My Rebbe is looking at free will from the point of view of reward and punishment. A person’s reason for being on this world is so that God can do good for him in the next. But this good can only be gotten if it is earned, and to be earned a person must have the opportunity to choose not to earn the reward. All we are is out choices to do good or evil. To my socialist college colleague on the other hand free will has a whole other connotation. Free will is the ability to act on a person’s every whim. Using this definition, there is no true free will; we are all bound by the circumstances that we were born into. While it is possible to make a string of decisions that impact a person’s overall life path, ultimately a person is limited by the surroundings they are in as well as the previous decisions that they have made.

So, back to the original question: Are internalized habits an expression of free will? What does it mean to say, “I just don’t think about it”?

Think about it.

No More LOL

I call everyone on the internet to make a universal Ban on LOL. People should stop laughing out loud, especially when there is no one there except yourself in the room to hear. When chatting with friends online and you want to express the humor of the situation, don't us LOL. For God's sake it is getting old.

Instead of LOL say, "That was funny." Or,"ROTFLMAO", But then if you were really rolling on the floor laughing your A** off you probably would not have the ability to type ROTFLMAO.

In this way the world will become a much more serious place, and we will get out of the resession while we are all still alive.

"Irony Man"

Iron Man-"Tony Stark" : A pollution loving, war mongering, free market manipulating corporate capitalist pig.

The fictional character "Tony Stark", a rich playboy superhero, is everything I opened this post with. He drives an Audi R8 and a Rolls Royce Phantom, so he has a massive carbon footprint. He also sells weapons, so he supports war. This guy is like George W. on steroids!

Seemingly the epitome of everything a modern Liberal [Socialist] American hates. Yet, a box office hit. He represents everything society tells us is wrong and"greedy". A "have" while we are "have nots".

Such a character doesn't deserve to be so popular in pop culture. I reckon I should have a piece of his pie, keep the superhero stuff to the local law enforcement.

Besides, he should have kept his costume more to its true roots.

Avrohom Schorr, Lipa Schmeltzer, & Avodah Zarah

The first question is what was R. Schorr thinking when he grabbed the mike away from Lipa? The second question is, was he in the right for doing so? The third question is, should we care?

For arguments sake, let us say that there was something wrong going on. Let us postulate that it was something that R. Schorr considered Avodah Zarah. Was he in the right for demanding that something be stopped? Did he have an obligation to state his opinion so that the people who were present at the simcha should not be doing the Avairah of Avodah Zarah? Does even the fact that he might be making a Chillul Hashem over ride the need to protect people from sinning?

I don't know if there was Avodah Zarah going on, but R. Schorr evidentely did think that there was. He thought so vehemently enough to interrupt a Simcha and demand that Lipa get off the stage and stop singing. He thought so enough to loose the respect of many people. He must have weighed the consequences of what he was doing and decided that it was worth making a fuss over.

According to the Life of Rubin Version of the story:

the band began playing Lipa’s “Hentalach” song. (The song was actually composed by a Satmar fellow, but it is on Lipa’s CD and is extremely popular.) The chosson’s friends and others gathered around the chosson and were dancing joyously, waving their hands in the air as the chosson responded in kind.

Just after this happened the band started playing another song, and that is when R. Schorr decided to interrupt things. In the recording you can hear the mentioning of the "Hentalach" song. It is probably this song that R. Schorr had a problem with, and most probably this song that he had a problem with and considers Idol Worship.

You see for most of us not versed in the Zohar and Kabbalah lifting ones hand is just an act of like any other. However, someone versed in the Zohar will tell you that any time you raise your hands for a purpose other than prayer, you are calling down all sorts of evil onto yourself. While the "Hentalach" song does seem like a prayer in some sense, it could be construed as something other than Godly worship. According to this understanding, Avrohom Schorr is a great Kabbalist who cared about the spiritual wellbeing of all the people at that wedding.

This does of course leave the question of why he only spoke up at this specific wedding. The song has been out for quite some time, and to scream at people for raising their hands in a non-kabbalistic manner does seem a little drastic. But it does explain how R. Schorr could have done what he did, and still be considered a Tzaddik.

As with everything that has been made public knowledge it is up to the reader to be the ultimate judge as to the rightness of any action.

Great People think of the soundtrack to their own documentary

The mark of a truly great individual is one who has the voice of the narrator of his own future documentary playing constantly in his head. As he walks to the store he imagines the fellow saying something truly moving about his trip to the grocery. When he gets up to give a speech, he imagines future generations looking back on the recording and taking sound bites out of it for The Memorable Speeches of History Part MDCLXVI. He never forgets that in the future someone will be looking over his whole life to determine if he is eligible for the position of presidential chauffeur.

Another true mark of greatness is the soundtrack that is playing inside your head. A memorable person will have a memorable soundtrack playing in his head. Like Rocky as he prepares for the fight of his life, a heroic person will have cool sounding music playing in the background for every occasion of his life. Silence is for boring people, great people have symphony orchestras and rock bands playing in their head.

To truly understand what it means to be a great person you must examine the lives of great people. In order to examine the lives of great people you must first define greatness. However, greatness is a quality that is elusive in action as well as in definition. Everyone has a different definition for what they consider great. For simplicity’s sake a person of greatness will be defined as someone who has done something great. Something great will be defined as “Something great.” Using this definition we now can create a list of truly great people who have had documentaries made of their lives and have had great soundtracks too.

Moses (as played by Charlton Heston in the 1956 Documentary The Ten Commandments) - You can imagine Moses having the Elmer Bernstein soundtrack playing in his head as he does all those cool things.

Alexander (as played by Colin Farrell in Oliver Stone’s 2004 Documentary Alexander) - I can’t imagine the great Alexander the Great fighting all those battles without the score composed by Vangelis. Conquering the world is hard business, Alexander is lucky that he thought of his documentary while he was doing it. The soundtrack playing in his head must be a truly great one.

Arthur (as played by Clive Owen in the 2004 Documentary King Arthur) – It took real courage to fight all those barbarians from behind the wall, too bad he didn’t have the Hans Zimmer soundtrack playing in his head, all that is left of his great deeds are legends. If only he would have been thinking about his future documentary we all would probably remember his so much better today; we might even think there was a possibility of him being a real historical figure.

Skipping forward in history (because nothing great was done for the next few years)

'Rudy' Giuliani (as played by James Woods in his 2003 documentary Rudy) – He obviously didn’t have his documentary in mind when he became the 44 president of the United States; otherwise he would have become the 44 president of the United States. It seems he even shows up in his own documentary as a construction worker. Too bad he was only great enough to make it to TV and DVD. A truly great person would probably have made it to the big screen.

In closing……..

Great people get great inaccurate movies made of their lives, and they have no say of the soundtrack.

It's our problem free philosophy

In HS we were all taught Mussar on how we were supposed to be some sort of angel living on Earth. We were instructed to behave in ways befitting our angelic status. The body was there as a vassal for the soul, and therefore we should be counting the cheerios as they went into our mouths. God forbid we benefit from this world without the intention of helping enhance our learning. I never did get over one of my Rebbeim being fat; he must learn a lot in order to justify the consumption of so much food.

After a while I gave up on the whole idea of self improvement and Mussar. I am who I am, the world will collapse before anything will change that. After every speech I heard from any of my teachers about character growth, I laughed a big hardy laugh. They must be joking; can you imagine anyone in their right mind counting there cheerios?

If Mussar wasn't for me, then what other path could there be that leads to Heavenly Glory?

I turned to Chassidus. I gave the Breslov guy a dollar and sat down to read all that the pamphlet had to say about a person's job in this world. It said, "Don't give up, Just belive, be happy, drink cool aid (or any other sugar drink with the cool aid brand that also happens to have an Hashgacha guaranteeing no bugs.)" And in small tiny letters, "go to the mikvah on a daily basis." Unfortunately for Breslov, I chose not to drink the cool aid.

Everyone needs a method by which to live there lives. A special way to relate to God and all the people in the world. It it wasn't Mussar and it wasn't Breslov pamphlet philosophy, so what would it be?

I think it's going to be Hakuna Matata!

It's a problem free
philosophy.

Act first,
think later,
Live on the edge
Bli neder.

Go to shul,
when I'm up on time.
Sleep late,
when God doesn't mind.

Learn,
Relax,
Study,
Chill,
watch some movies for cheap thrills.

Live every day
one at a time.
Tommorow's not here yet,
I'm doing fine.

Lull in my brain

Every so often I get a lull in my brain. I just can't think of anything to write about, and whats worse, I don't seem to care about anything. All the news stories seem the same to me, and nothing makes me lift my eyebrows and say to myself, "Self, that seems interesting and writing worthy." It is in those time that I distinguish myself from all the big bloggers and choose to write nothing. I don't force myself to think of something worthy of screen, I just let my brain atrophy in front of the TV.

Lately I have seen the depressing economy, the state of the world, the state of the union, the economy becoming the state, and it all seems inevitably boring. What can I do to change the world? The people will cheer as a stimulus package is made to produce goods that they don't want to purchase. Money will be borrowed from the unborn to pay for the discomfort of the dieing, and global warming keeps making the winter a snowy one.

The education system stinks to high heaven, and the children that will be born to pay off the debt we create today will be stupid than ever. 1+1=?, nobody knows what has to be subtracted to the equation to get the real answer, so much debt will have piled up 1+1 could equal 1, with all the money going to pay back the debt we will be accumulating for all the bailouts and wars. And nobody will care, they will all be with me watching the latest on TV.

There is a war going on in Israel. It's Us vs. Them. I'm with Us. May all who are them rot in Hell for all eternity in this world and the next.

On that note, where is the money that I get for being Jewish. I thought there was some sort of conspiracy that guarantees Jews money for breathing in the oxygen. All the antisemites seem to believe it's true, and they hate us for it, I personally wouldn't mind the hate so much if I got a little piece of the action. Instead all the money goes to Arabia for oil, the commodity that really controls the world. And Jews live in poverty in Kiryas Joel. Go figure.

In other news, Obama seems to have put a salary cap on CEOs who's companies take bailout money.$500000. I personally wouldn't mind my pay to be capped at that amount, especially if I stink so badly at making decisions I need a bailout in the first place.

Speaking of TV, they are not switching over to Digital till much later in the year. It seems that people don't want to be forced to buy new TVs for another few months. All I have to say is: Idiots. Why push off switching to digital? It would mean a nice spike in consumer spending, something the economy needs right now. People would be forced to buy new TVs. Instead, the government wants to have all the fun of spending everyone's money. And here I was about to go an help out the economy by purchasing a nice Tumah Box ("I don't think they are boxes anymore, Rebbe.")

O the Superbowl, who do you think is going to be in it next year? It seems I missed it this year. But who really cares about it anyway? It's not like TV where you get to see people actually die on screen.

Raisins=Bugs?

Peanuts=salmonella?

I need a job. But more importantly, I need the lull in my brain to go away.

Kupat Ha'ir : It really works?

Yesterday, after learning with my chavrusa, he tells me that his MP3 player has gone missing. He bought this tiny little player and it seems that it had just grown legs and walked away. He said jokingly to me that if he finds it he would give $20 to Kupat Ha'ir, the tziddakah that promises a million blessings to those that give to them. I jokingly asked if he would give the money even if he didn't find the MP3 player and he replied, "Of course not, how would I be able to test if the promise actually works if I give one way or another."

We looked all over the place, retracing his steps, to no avail. It was gone. We decided that since it was so cheap we could go to Manhattan and get a new one.

A long train ride later and we are in Manhattan. He then decides to check his belt, low and behold, the MP3 player was attached to his belt.

So you see, Kupat Ha'ir really works. You just need to check the right places first.

Stalking Lipa Schmeltzer

Are you a fanatic for everything Lipa Schmeltzer? Are you wondering where he is going to be every night of the month of March? Well now you have your chance to stalk Lipa for one whole month. Check out the new CD that Lipa just came out with. It’s called Non Stop Lipa, on the back he tells all of you fanatics how you can stalk him Non-Stop the whole month of March.

And Remember, your not a true fanatic unless you go to all of his truly Great Events.

The Shomer Negia Song

As a kid who grew up on Uncle Moshe and the Mitzvah men, I understand that all really important things having to do with the Jewish religion have to come over through some sort of song.

For keeping Kosher we have the Uptown, Downtown song:

Uptown, downtown, all around the town,
It’s kosher all day long
And we must never, ever, ever
Mix milk and meat together
So come on and sing this kosher song
Badadadadadada

I have to say that this song more than anything else has kept generations of kids from going and eating all that good tasting non-kosher candy. It got me wondering why there wasn't a song to show the importance of Shomer Negia. Being Shomer is the most important mitzvah in the Torah, it is practically the 11th commandment. So I began a song that would demonstrate the severity of the commandment:

Uptown downtown
All around the town
It’s shomer all day long
And we will never, never, never
Touch the opposite gender
So come on and sing the Shomer song
La la la la la la laa

But wait one second! Doesn't the idea of Shomer Negia not start till the child has reached a point when listening to Uncle Moshe is no longer relevant? The severity of the prohibition must be explained in grave detail while the child is still young.

You know you have a mommy
And a Totty too,
If they hadn’t been shomer
They wouldn’t have had you.
If you want to be good
Just like your Mom and Dad
Stay Shomer Shomer Shomer
Physical contact very bad.
La la la la la la laa.

If the appeal to filial piety hasn't been convincing enough, the next verse might be just the thing to catch the soul of the impressionable child.

Hashem loves you
He loves you very much
challenges you all your life
touches, hugs, and kisses
only between Mr. & Mrs.
and only as Husband and wife.
La la la la la la laa.

If God and good family values haven't been convincing enough, I don't know what will. Perhaps you just have to reiterate the point.

In meetings and in Business
and in the shopping malls,
Hashem is there too
Take your money from the counter
separate seating on the bus
Never shake hands
stare intently at the ground
like there is something to be found
Always, Yes Always
Be Shomer Negia
La la la la la la laa.